Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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