sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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