Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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