i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
