Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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