does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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