I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
