I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i will never coherently bang her
She bit a glass in half.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
