wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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