My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
