I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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