why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize