I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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