I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
