hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
