Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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