I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
