Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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