Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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