also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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