In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
