She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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