we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
