it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do vagina's smell?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
