their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
