If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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