Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
