Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
