I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
