It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
