I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
