Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
