Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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