after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My ass is underappreciated
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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