Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize