I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
