break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
