8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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