I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize