Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you win again, gameday.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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