I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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