ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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