I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
