I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
