He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize