this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
