No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
