just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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