this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
