My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
