I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
