I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
