I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
