I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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