Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
