I could have mohawked her pubes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
