I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
