You can't special order awesome
I look better un-naked...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
