idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
