She went from zero to smokin in five shots
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
