You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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