if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
