no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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