Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
