Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
