her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
