i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
