she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
