More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
