Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There r osticjed everywhere
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
