ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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